It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
