It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
