i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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