RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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