Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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