So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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