That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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