I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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