piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
