I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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no more duck duck goose at the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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