Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
