You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
