Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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