I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
