the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
