I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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