Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
