I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
