Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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