you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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