he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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