if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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