He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
