I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we're making bets on your personal life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
