I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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