So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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