can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
