i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
