Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
