Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
