Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
