So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
