I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
