i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
