What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize