You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
