I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
