Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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