have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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