I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
