My room smells like vodka and shame
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
