It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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