it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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