Christians are straight up FREAKS
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
