Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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