He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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