you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
