just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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