guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
