You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
