I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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