38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
