I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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