whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
