Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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