i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
