how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
