I wish I could punch you in the face.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
