My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
