no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I supernannyed him into submission
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
