Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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