did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
