I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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